"i'd like to be the one who makes mothers cry!"
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2025 03:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
enterthemirrorhello. my internet is nonfunctional so i am doing this on my computer using my phone's hotspot. the wonders of technology! i feel very achieved today but also not great. i showered for the first time in... probably much too long. i shaved too so now i don't look insane. for some reason lots of things have been happening on last.fm... got to recommend someone music which is fun. now i am listening to old albums i haven't listened to since i downloaded them. i'm very sleepy and kinda loopy and rambly. i have to be up tomorrow for a haircut--i didn't choose to do this but i guess i'm glad it's happening. i look a little shit.
this w hole internet thing is really bothering me!!! it's horrible. i'm assuming this provider throttles internet after a certain time of day which is simply evil. did i fuck something up? i haven't pirated anything. why do we have *no internet*? i want to reread funeral rites. blame death in june!
"Riton would surely be killed the next day, but before that he would bump off quite a lot of Frenchmen. He was in love.
'Those damn jerks. What the hell are they to me, they're just a bunch of idiots. I'm going to bump a few of them off....'
With, as it happens, that same right hand. He made the movement, despite himself, of pulling a trigger with his forefinger. His pinky struck the cloth-to have done so was to knock at the door of darkness and see that darkness open onto death, and it was with a closed fist that he remained there, first making its pressure light and then gradually letting it sink by its own weight into the moss."
"..to have done so was to knock at the door of darkness and see that darkness open onto death..." christ, relax, Genet, it's just a pair of men's underwear. he's so right, but still.
what was i going to say. oh, i am going to do medication again. i don't know how i feel about it. i hate psychiatrists. i spoke to one today and i still hate them. i feel like i sounded like an asshole speaking to them but i can hardly care. it doesn't matter. interfacing in this clinical manner makes me sound like an asshole even if i don't have any animosity at all (but in this case, i do).
"'Are you scared?'
With his whole inner being trembling, that being which vainly sought, by fleeing, to drag along the flesh-and-blood being whose prisoner it was, Paulo replied, with a lump in his throat, "No."
The sonority of the word and the strange sound of his own voice made him more aware of the danger that lies in daring to enter dreams with one's actual flesh and blood, to have a private conversation with the creatures of night--a night of the heart that was poured out over Europe--with the monsters of nightmares.
...
Nevertheless, I smiled. I was awaiting death. I knew it was bound to come, in violent form, at the end of my adventure. For what could I desire in the end? There is no rest from conquest; one enters immortality standing up. I have already considered every possible kind of death, from the death by poison that an intimate friend pours into my coffee to being hanged by my people, crucifixion by my best friends, to say nothing of natural death amidst honors, brass bands, flowers, speeches, and statues, death in combat, by stabbing, bullets, but above all I dream of a disappearance that will astound the world. I shall go off to live quietly on another continent, observing the progress of, and the harm done by, the legend of my reappearance among my people. I have chosen every sort of death. None of them will surprise me. I have already died often, and always in splendor."
this is how Genet describes two people about to have gay sex (well... gay sex with some baggage). do you see why i am the way i am, yet? (joke.)
okay, well, i'm a weird kind of emo today. i'm just wicked tired :( i should sleep but i'm hungry. ouhhhgh. ough ough ough <- seal sfx. i take so much pleasure in opening the Discord yearly wrapped thing and seeing it say it doesn't have anything for me because i enabled certain privacy settings. who in their right mind wants a "Discord Wrapped"? the advent of the "wrapped" is anti-human. i don't know if i can articulate this, let alone believe in it, but it feels fun to say. i don't want to leave yet :( i like talking here! even if i feel like i am saying very little. rahjjhh,, i really don't wanna go. if i never post this i will never have to leave.
"It is fair to say that the room of a bedridden invalid is just the right place for gradually rediscovering childhood lewdness." (bataille)
"DYSART: Too conventional, for him. Finding a religion in Psychiatry is really for very ordinary patients." (shaffer)
"'Each Eyiguayegui sees himself,' he wrote, 'as an Atlas who bears, not only upon his hands and shoulders but upon his whole body, the weight of a clumsily charted universe.' And this may, indeed, explain the exceptional character of Caduveo art: that it makes it possible for Man to refuse to be made in God's image." (levi-strauss)
"Striptease - at least Parisian striptease - is based on a contradiction: Woman is desexualized at the very moment when she is stripped naked. We may therefore say that we are dealing in a sense with a spectacle based on fear, or rather on the pretence of fear, as if eroticism here went no further than a sort of delicious terror, whose ritual signs have only to be announced to evoke at once the idea of sex and its conjuration." (barthes)
"'General, if upon your ruined ramparts a single cannon yet remains, bombard us with clods of earth. Strike shop mirrors! Sitting rooms! Feed our cities dust. Coat gargoyles in rust. Fill boudoirs with fiery, ruby ash...'" (rimbaud)
"But in his person, the two revolts, the two insurrections merge, they direct all his behaviour, they govern all his actions, even the most trivial, during his four-year reign.
His insurrection is systematic and sagacious and he directs it first against himself." (artaud)
this w hole internet thing is really bothering me!!! it's horrible. i'm assuming this provider throttles internet after a certain time of day which is simply evil. did i fuck something up? i haven't pirated anything. why do we have *no internet*? i want to reread funeral rites. blame death in june!
"Riton would surely be killed the next day, but before that he would bump off quite a lot of Frenchmen. He was in love.
'Those damn jerks. What the hell are they to me, they're just a bunch of idiots. I'm going to bump a few of them off....'
With, as it happens, that same right hand. He made the movement, despite himself, of pulling a trigger with his forefinger. His pinky struck the cloth-to have done so was to knock at the door of darkness and see that darkness open onto death, and it was with a closed fist that he remained there, first making its pressure light and then gradually letting it sink by its own weight into the moss."
"..to have done so was to knock at the door of darkness and see that darkness open onto death..." christ, relax, Genet, it's just a pair of men's underwear. he's so right, but still.
what was i going to say. oh, i am going to do medication again. i don't know how i feel about it. i hate psychiatrists. i spoke to one today and i still hate them. i feel like i sounded like an asshole speaking to them but i can hardly care. it doesn't matter. interfacing in this clinical manner makes me sound like an asshole even if i don't have any animosity at all (but in this case, i do).
"'Are you scared?'
With his whole inner being trembling, that being which vainly sought, by fleeing, to drag along the flesh-and-blood being whose prisoner it was, Paulo replied, with a lump in his throat, "No."
The sonority of the word and the strange sound of his own voice made him more aware of the danger that lies in daring to enter dreams with one's actual flesh and blood, to have a private conversation with the creatures of night--a night of the heart that was poured out over Europe--with the monsters of nightmares.
...
Nevertheless, I smiled. I was awaiting death. I knew it was bound to come, in violent form, at the end of my adventure. For what could I desire in the end? There is no rest from conquest; one enters immortality standing up. I have already considered every possible kind of death, from the death by poison that an intimate friend pours into my coffee to being hanged by my people, crucifixion by my best friends, to say nothing of natural death amidst honors, brass bands, flowers, speeches, and statues, death in combat, by stabbing, bullets, but above all I dream of a disappearance that will astound the world. I shall go off to live quietly on another continent, observing the progress of, and the harm done by, the legend of my reappearance among my people. I have chosen every sort of death. None of them will surprise me. I have already died often, and always in splendor."
this is how Genet describes two people about to have gay sex (well... gay sex with some baggage). do you see why i am the way i am, yet? (joke.)
okay, well, i'm a weird kind of emo today. i'm just wicked tired :( i should sleep but i'm hungry. ouhhhgh. ough ough ough <- seal sfx. i take so much pleasure in opening the Discord yearly wrapped thing and seeing it say it doesn't have anything for me because i enabled certain privacy settings. who in their right mind wants a "Discord Wrapped"? the advent of the "wrapped" is anti-human. i don't know if i can articulate this, let alone believe in it, but it feels fun to say. i don't want to leave yet :( i like talking here! even if i feel like i am saying very little. rahjjhh,, i really don't wanna go. if i never post this i will never have to leave.
"It is fair to say that the room of a bedridden invalid is just the right place for gradually rediscovering childhood lewdness." (bataille)
"DYSART: Too conventional, for him. Finding a religion in Psychiatry is really for very ordinary patients." (shaffer)
"'Each Eyiguayegui sees himself,' he wrote, 'as an Atlas who bears, not only upon his hands and shoulders but upon his whole body, the weight of a clumsily charted universe.' And this may, indeed, explain the exceptional character of Caduveo art: that it makes it possible for Man to refuse to be made in God's image." (levi-strauss)
"Striptease - at least Parisian striptease - is based on a contradiction: Woman is desexualized at the very moment when she is stripped naked. We may therefore say that we are dealing in a sense with a spectacle based on fear, or rather on the pretence of fear, as if eroticism here went no further than a sort of delicious terror, whose ritual signs have only to be announced to evoke at once the idea of sex and its conjuration." (barthes)
"'General, if upon your ruined ramparts a single cannon yet remains, bombard us with clods of earth. Strike shop mirrors! Sitting rooms! Feed our cities dust. Coat gargoyles in rust. Fill boudoirs with fiery, ruby ash...'" (rimbaud)
"But in his person, the two revolts, the two insurrections merge, they direct all his behaviour, they govern all his actions, even the most trivial, during his four-year reign.
His insurrection is systematic and sagacious and he directs it first against himself." (artaud)
