man of aran

chat (i'm really sorry for calling you all this) i feel so bleh and i don't even know why and it's veryyyy annoying. i want to have a more fun post, but i don't know... i feel like i did all of the things i was meant to do today (shower + eat + go outside) and it was nice and i talked to my parents a lot and didn't hate it but i don't know. i don't want to write too much because i am genuinely afraid i am going to freak out, sob. i do not feel well at all. i don't think i'm, like, going to do anyhting bad, but i just feel awful in a v weird and different way and i don't like it at all. like... things happened that would normally make me feel depressed i think but i don't feel overwhelmingly depressed... had to talk to my mother about self harm and started looking at like real therapists + psychologists of my own volition... and this obviously pissed me off a bit. i hate thinking about that sort of thing. hate hate hate. i'm not going to write any more about psychologists because i WILL freak out sob!!! i don't think i'm depressed. well, i am, but i don't think it's the only thing going on and i do still feel depressed and suicidal and things but there is something else and it's frightening me and idk. i want good news sob. um i dont know i convinced my parents to buy me lots of little things for christmas so im excited for a lot of little things. i got an evil eye keychain but i dont know where it is right now :( blehhhhfhhh i dont know. i am so freaked out i am going to go get a glass of water and then just idk maybe i will put something on. i am very sorry chat i will be normal again soon!!! i have nice htings to talk about i promise i just don't feel much like talking about them currently :( goodbye for . meow . . . . :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) rahfgfhfaewhfgjwagfsafjhgdghffhdghf goodbye for meow :(