attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion
Sunday, November 9th, 2025 11:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
enterthemirrorhellooo dear reader i feel like i need to talk about something joyous to offset the general... dismal vibe... i have had going on. i don't know what to go for!!! i'm not sure if i'm joyous yet so let's go back to COMPLAINING which is what i do best.
hopefully by now it is clear i try not to gatekeep or be judgy or stuff. but christ can i at least make fun of my roommate for watching one of the Star Wars movies on his ipad at the age of 19 or however old he is? like... i don't know... i do just hate fun. i hate fun! i need to internalize this. FUCK fun. a slap in the face of public taste. you will read bad books and watch bad movies and listen to bad music and want to pull your hair out all the time and you will be better off for it. at least i have some outsider house techno stuff playing on my speaker to keep me sane, even though i can still hear the John Williams orchestral mind killer from the other side of the room.
this one will be brief but now i'm in the mood for more revelatory stuff about myself after talking about self harm. this one will be excessively short because it's embarrassing but hey i can't be a blank slate forever. unfortunately i believe in that philosophy shit so i must be perceived. okay so when i was younger... i don't like the word "groomed" because it is very severe... but i probably was surrounded by sex and very weird types of sex and very weird types of people into very weird types of sex at a time when i shouldn't have been at all. i feel like i still reckon with that all the time and it is very uncool. i hope other people also share this emotion because it is hard to describe--i both have this horrible revulsion towards sex... it grosses me out and reminds me of bad things, but i alsooo still have vestigial weird thoughts about weird types of sex and the two of them sort of play and mix all the time. shudder shudder. anyways.
unrelated: someone said i look like pina menichelli today. i consider this an attempt to make me transgender. raise the count to four.
okay, i should work. i've been putting work off so long and with such efficacy i actually feel more likely to not do it at all! that would be fun. not doing any work. wouldn't that be a dream... i can hear John Williams again. time to die (spoken in the replicant guy from Blade Runner's voice).
hopefully by now it is clear i try not to gatekeep or be judgy or stuff. but christ can i at least make fun of my roommate for watching one of the Star Wars movies on his ipad at the age of 19 or however old he is? like... i don't know... i do just hate fun. i hate fun! i need to internalize this. FUCK fun. a slap in the face of public taste. you will read bad books and watch bad movies and listen to bad music and want to pull your hair out all the time and you will be better off for it. at least i have some outsider house techno stuff playing on my speaker to keep me sane, even though i can still hear the John Williams orchestral mind killer from the other side of the room.
this one will be brief but now i'm in the mood for more revelatory stuff about myself after talking about self harm. this one will be excessively short because it's embarrassing but hey i can't be a blank slate forever. unfortunately i believe in that philosophy shit so i must be perceived. okay so when i was younger... i don't like the word "groomed" because it is very severe... but i probably was surrounded by sex and very weird types of sex and very weird types of people into very weird types of sex at a time when i shouldn't have been at all. i feel like i still reckon with that all the time and it is very uncool. i hope other people also share this emotion because it is hard to describe--i both have this horrible revulsion towards sex... it grosses me out and reminds me of bad things, but i alsooo still have vestigial weird thoughts about weird types of sex and the two of them sort of play and mix all the time. shudder shudder. anyways.
unrelated: someone said i look like pina menichelli today. i consider this an attempt to make me transgender. raise the count to four.
okay, i should work. i've been putting work off so long and with such efficacy i actually feel more likely to not do it at all! that would be fun. not doing any work. wouldn't that be a dream... i can hear John Williams again. time to die (spoken in the replicant guy from Blade Runner's voice).
