suture obsession
Monday, November 10th, 2025 07:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
enterthemirrorhello dear reader!!! i am bored with my classes. i want to try and fall asleep earlier tonight because i woke up earlier today and it genuinely felt like i entered a different world. my day seriously felt so much longer and so much different. this could partially stem from me essentially having no chinese class today. the problem, now, is that it is only 8 and i have nothing to do and i feel much more likely to do bad emo things (why continue using this euphemism when, about two posts down, i talk all about self-harm???). the positives probably outweigh this, though.
chinese is kinda killing me. i feel more and more like i should become a hedonist and stop doing anything that i don't enjoy. this is probably not a good idea, but god, all of these difficult things are so easily ignored...! i read for pleasure today and it was all non-fiction but i still liked it a lot. showed a passage from one of the books i'm reading (lenin, hegel, & western marxism) to the Stalinist friend and he instinctively misunderstood and disliked it, which means i should keep reading. this book really makes me want to read hegel but that's so much effort. i am also getting more into Freud and trying to take notes while i read because i think it helps me close-read PDFs which is very difficult for me. i have two books on the boil right now with two lying in wait. i took them out from the library so i have hard copies, thankfully. one seems a little easier to read as it's mostly history and talks about things i like, like surrealism, while the other one is very dense Toni Negri which i still want to read because it's a critique of the state-form and i have been circulating around those ideas for a while but i haven't figured out what to read on the subject. so i want to read it... i don't know when... we'll see.
okay. very tired. i don't think i will do anything emo tonight because of the fact i am so tired, but no promises, because i have been thinking about it more frequently lately. i hope this is not connected to me recently making an effort to talk more about self-harm, because i enjoy talking about it and it would be unfortunate if it turns out it's bad for me. maybe it's the inverse: i'm talking more about it because i feel inclined to do it more? at least i kinda had a good day today! it felt... i don't know. felt slightly weird, but it was not expressly bad which is good. i talked to a number of different people today but they all sort of fit together like vignettes and not the contents of one day. idk!!! weird moods lately. alright, dear reader, i will keep you no longer. i want to embed more images but they'd all be entirely unrelated to anything i've said. OKAY i said i will keep you no longer. goodbye for meow!!!
chinese is kinda killing me. i feel more and more like i should become a hedonist and stop doing anything that i don't enjoy. this is probably not a good idea, but god, all of these difficult things are so easily ignored...! i read for pleasure today and it was all non-fiction but i still liked it a lot. showed a passage from one of the books i'm reading (lenin, hegel, & western marxism) to the Stalinist friend and he instinctively misunderstood and disliked it, which means i should keep reading. this book really makes me want to read hegel but that's so much effort. i am also getting more into Freud and trying to take notes while i read because i think it helps me close-read PDFs which is very difficult for me. i have two books on the boil right now with two lying in wait. i took them out from the library so i have hard copies, thankfully. one seems a little easier to read as it's mostly history and talks about things i like, like surrealism, while the other one is very dense Toni Negri which i still want to read because it's a critique of the state-form and i have been circulating around those ideas for a while but i haven't figured out what to read on the subject. so i want to read it... i don't know when... we'll see.
okay. very tired. i don't think i will do anything emo tonight because of the fact i am so tired, but no promises, because i have been thinking about it more frequently lately. i hope this is not connected to me recently making an effort to talk more about self-harm, because i enjoy talking about it and it would be unfortunate if it turns out it's bad for me. maybe it's the inverse: i'm talking more about it because i feel inclined to do it more? at least i kinda had a good day today! it felt... i don't know. felt slightly weird, but it was not expressly bad which is good. i talked to a number of different people today but they all sort of fit together like vignettes and not the contents of one day. idk!!! weird moods lately. alright, dear reader, i will keep you no longer. i want to embed more images but they'd all be entirely unrelated to anything i've said. OKAY i said i will keep you no longer. goodbye for meow!!!
