squirming on the operating table

good morninggg i woke up earlier but this is my good morning. roommate turning on the lights in this room for no reason. awful awful awful awful. i need a womb to be in somewhere. anyways i am hungry (thank you yesterday me) but i do not want to get up sooo... we'll see. anyways im so bored maybe i will try to watch the gay nerd show everyone wants me to watch. bleh i feel so dead. i don't even want to think about doing work but i know i have tasks to complete. i don't even know what to listen to! listening to this German band Loxiran and they're okay. i do feel weird enjoying metalcore... i can never admit that i like it because everyone will think i like the shit 2000s-today American variants. i don't know why only the 90s German variant appeals to me. actually there are some good Canadian ones from the 90s. and probably America too but less so. anyways. it's embarrassing. ough this can't be a complaining message but i really am hungry and tired and do not want these lights on... it's so bright out too, weh. plus the people i would normally pass time talking to have like jobs and things. lame!!! it's the weekend. i turned off Loxiran because i'm not in the mood but i also don't know what to listen to. maybe Noahlewis again? i am putting them on. ugh i don't know what to write. this message feels like a cat falling down a flight of stairs. i see now why diary entries are saved for the end of the day. i would write more but it would consist of me being depressed and complaining and probably becoming increasingly sexually frustrated. prion disease... i am comfortable dying in a horrible accident or medical mystery.

burning the dymaxion chronofile, setting us free

so i understand "blogging" or diary-ing or journaling is meant to be a once in a while affair. but maybe i need to do it all the time. every half hour. like those people who record/ed everything they did in a day. i'll spare you stool analysis at the very least. anyways i will probably drag myself to lunch soon, as much as i don't want to. i keep thinking about how your brain will eventually (roommate update: he doesn't even like Tarantino, who already makes movies for the lowest common denominator. i don't like him [Tarantino]. how can you think Tarantino is too "slow"??? that's really bad!!!) how your brain will eventually get fucked if you stop giving it nutrients and amino acids and stuff which i guess contribute to the brain's wellbeing. that's pretty obvious in retrospect. anyways i am not at risk of malnourishment, lol, but i do certainly get that bataillean death drive urge to like. see how weird i can get my brain to be. i'm sorry brain. that's such a horrible thing to do to you. i love you so much and i'm sorry for thinking (weird, right?) of you this way. anyways. bleh i really dont want to go to lunch but i will just eat and come back and that'll be that. maybe i will even get myself a dessert. hopefully there will be fewer people there because weekend. i'm not an agoraphobe or anything but i'd just rather be secluded today. shrugging guy emoticon. actually i like him so much i'm going to go find him. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ there he is! i feel like a real internet user now. okay. i should probably get dressed now. i'm using too many periods... where are the other kinds of punctuation? maybe my brain degradation is already kicking in. god, i do want that to happen. in like a weird libidinal way. fuck you, bataille. anyways. i am going to get up and get dressed. goodbye :)

l'imagination au ̶p̶o̶u̶v̶o̶i̶r̶ loubard

okay, i think what i'm doing is microblogging. i've figured it out. also this is a COMPLAINING post... back from lunch and it was awful. had two cookies and walked back. convinced myself i would eat dinner later... only other place to eat food around dinner that will sustain me is closed. so i am probably not going to eat any more today, unless i spend money at the convenience store which i shouldn't be doing. really sad about that :( i wanted to do the good thing but i couldn't and i'm v bummed. bleh. i was v proud of myself for going out too! i don't want this to be an emo blog!!! but i feel so emo . . . i hope i feel better later. i was thinking about " self harming " (odious phrase) later today because it has been a few days since i have last done it and i'm kinda like. idk. not happy with how it went last time. but we'll see! i feel so tired and lazy i might not even make the walk out to the place where i did it last. maybe i will just try to fall back asleep??? idkidkidk. this is so uncool :( i even wore a fun outfit :((( I NEED TO NOT BE EMO. but it is going to happen. i'll try to figure out something fun to do to distract myself. goodbye for now :)

introduction

hello i realize it would be a good thing to make an actual introduction! i have never done one of these so i don't know how to structure it. i have a lot of usernames and i don't prefer any of them to any others but here i am simply sonatine.

about me: 

1. i like foxes and history and philosophy and music and the arts sososo much that it is redundant to bring them all up here because that would take paragraphs
2. i am a #legaladult
3. i like rambling about things
4. i have never blogged or journaled or anything before
5. i am bad about talking about myself so hopefully this will help with that.  i don't like talking about a lot of things generally but i am hoping doing this sort of thing will help with all of it! :D
6. im not actually gay. despite the faggy rainbow, i think i am bisexual. i think being bisexual is a little embarrassing honestly but i am often embarrassed sooo. <- impossible to read
7. umm i dont know. i love you dear reader. ummmmm... i am afraid of spiders. i do not have a drivers license. i have smoked multiple cigarettes. i don't know the numbers of the months. i like to sew. i have punched through a window. i have never gotten in a fight.


ummm art credits are probably a good idea. page background is red cavalry by malevich and post background is an edited & cropped photo by man ray. icon is from tale of tales by yuri norstein. ok i think that is that. i will probably edit this from time to time and add things. ta ra goodbye au revoir :)

strawberry banana yogurt protein drink thing, my beloved

helloooo i am very sleepy so this is probably the last post of the night. i did end up eating hooray :) went to the convenience store and spent like 9 dollars which is like.......... acceptable. plus it felt nutritious and everything. i gottt... aforementiones strawberry banana yogurt protein drink thing, one of these weird like half meat stick half cheese stick things? they're edible and nearly yummy and pretty, like, hearty. and i also got a little packet of chips and hummus which makes me want to eat more chips and hummus... or chips and salsa... i miss chips and dip but i never have the chance to buy it now </3 ummmm there was more stuff i wanted to say but i forgot :D i have some work to do which i should reallyyy get on... idk. it's a little annoying to do just because i will need to record myself somehow. i could be boring and just record my screen with some slides and a voice but it would be fun to record myself, like, visually somewhere, and then add images and stuff later. but i don't know how to do that logistically because i don't have, like, a microphone. or a phone stand or anything. but i believe i could learn to edit in like a day because i am a #boss. ok i really am tired... bleh. still feeling not amazing but at least i am better than i was earlier !!! :D i never watched a movie or show or anything but thats ok. i kinda did nothing today... but thats ok :) i walked a lot yesterday so i can forgive myself. omg i bought like two things of goldfish for myself. like, the crackers. i will have like 54 ounces of them sob emoji!!! that is a lot of goldfish. unfortunately i can only pick them up (and a mystery package whose contents i forget) on tuesday. let me pick up my mail... at least cram it in my mailbox. i am unironically a little excited for the goldfish. i know they have no nutritional value... but it's a yummy snack :3 i made a minecraft server with friends (don't judge me...) last week and we haven't been on it since. i wanna get back on it!!! it is fun i will be honest. plus i want to watch a movie with them because that would also be fun and i've been making a list of weird ones we could do. trying out a new german band... i don't want to appreciate germany for anything. but they have the best 90s hardcore stuff i've heard sooooo... idk. ok goodbye for now!!! goodnight eventually!!!