the simplest surrealist act...
Wednesday, October 15th, 2025 11:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
enterthemirrorhellooo dear reader. look at the time my goodness i should be asleep. i should have worked this afternoon but blehhh... i both don't want to be hard on myself but i also should be a little harder on myself!! like yeahhh i didn't go out and do anything too emo to myself tonight but i also did not do any of the work i need to do well in classes and stuff. so... i guess we'll just have to figure it out.
soon i will need to sleep but the horrible light in my room is still on and someone on the floor above me is having what sounds like really bad sex. just too start-stop. either that or they're like slowly clanging two pieces of metal together (this gives you an idea of what it must consist of). [edit: after an investigation conducted by a two-person team, our dorm may have a heater louder than i can express. this also means it will probably never stop, so i might as well kill myself right now. dear reader, i know you'll think i'm a big idiot, but i promise, you cannot fathom how little this sounds like any worldly heater. i hate this so much. and dear reader i knowww you will go "ha! he even *said* it sounds like two pieces of metal clanging together! whattt a fool!!!!" if i could invite you into my dorm room to prove to you how fucked and made up this heater sounds, i would.] i don't really want to sleep . . . i don't know. i talked to my friend today i miss herrr i saw a jerma video and sent a message to her, going like Remember when we used to talk about jerma and play video games . . . i understand that isn't a very complex friendship but it's still fun.
bleh. i really need to lock it in. i have evil first year health class tomorrow and i may do something violent. i hate that class so much. do you think the annoying woo-woo teacher will give me an A if i say i have been "struggling with depression" or something? ok wait i should start doing this. acting like the child actors in the weird PSA videos i had to watch in middle school who were doing heroin or self harm or something? i'm going to study up and act like all of them and then everyone will like... give me slack for everything (because if anyone's got it easy it's heroin users and the depressed). i banged on a door so hard (not the sex door... different floor) that my hand really hurts now. somebody messaged me likeee wow an hour ago already and i have already sent them two messages. they are online, playing some dumb video game, and yet i still want to be a loser and bother them. it's league of legends??? i need to set better standards for who i communicate with qwq. i should watch another movie that will fix me. I DON'T CARE ABOUT SLEEPING. i get to sleep in anyways. my hand really hurts. owowow. meowmeowmeow.
okay well i know i said i'd be harder on myself buttt tonight is like acceptable because any other day i feel like i would be doing worse than i am currently buttt i'm nawttt doing anything bad which is good :) it is not quite good enough yet as i'm not doing everything i need to be doing but i am getting there! patting myself on the back which hurts rlly bad right now so i'm not actually moving. i literally don't care i'm messaging the league of legends person. i'm not. i think that will unironically make my mood worse sob emoji. okay i should wrap this up now. ough hfhffhfhfhfh i really do want to do the bad thing but i'm not letting myself because it's already late and i am being good. wehhghh if i can handle this horrible light being on i can handle anything. for now. goodbye for now dear reader i will try to sleep soon :)
soon i will need to sleep but the horrible light in my room is still on and someone on the floor above me is having what sounds like really bad sex. just too start-stop. either that or they're like slowly clanging two pieces of metal together (this gives you an idea of what it must consist of). [edit: after an investigation conducted by a two-person team, our dorm may have a heater louder than i can express. this also means it will probably never stop, so i might as well kill myself right now. dear reader, i know you'll think i'm a big idiot, but i promise, you cannot fathom how little this sounds like any worldly heater. i hate this so much. and dear reader i knowww you will go "ha! he even *said* it sounds like two pieces of metal clanging together! whattt a fool!!!!" if i could invite you into my dorm room to prove to you how fucked and made up this heater sounds, i would.] i don't really want to sleep . . . i don't know. i talked to my friend today i miss herrr i saw a jerma video and sent a message to her, going like Remember when we used to talk about jerma and play video games . . . i understand that isn't a very complex friendship but it's still fun.
bleh. i really need to lock it in. i have evil first year health class tomorrow and i may do something violent. i hate that class so much. do you think the annoying woo-woo teacher will give me an A if i say i have been "struggling with depression" or something? ok wait i should start doing this. acting like the child actors in the weird PSA videos i had to watch in middle school who were doing heroin or self harm or something? i'm going to study up and act like all of them and then everyone will like... give me slack for everything (because if anyone's got it easy it's heroin users and the depressed). i banged on a door so hard (not the sex door... different floor) that my hand really hurts now. somebody messaged me likeee wow an hour ago already and i have already sent them two messages. they are online, playing some dumb video game, and yet i still want to be a loser and bother them. it's league of legends??? i need to set better standards for who i communicate with qwq. i should watch another movie that will fix me. I DON'T CARE ABOUT SLEEPING. i get to sleep in anyways. my hand really hurts. owowow. meowmeowmeow.
okay well i know i said i'd be harder on myself buttt tonight is like acceptable because any other day i feel like i would be doing worse than i am currently buttt i'm nawttt doing anything bad which is good :) it is not quite good enough yet as i'm not doing everything i need to be doing but i am getting there! patting myself on the back which hurts rlly bad right now so i'm not actually moving. i literally don't care i'm messaging the league of legends person. i'm not. i think that will unironically make my mood worse sob emoji. okay i should wrap this up now. ough hfhffhfhfhfh i really do want to do the bad thing but i'm not letting myself because it's already late and i am being good. wehhghh if i can handle this horrible light being on i can handle anything. for now. goodbye for now dear reader i will try to sleep soon :)
