rain is less aesthetic when you are cold

hello chat thi# is my finalllll post of the night bc my phone is getting low now. im quite cold so this may be shorter because it is hard to type 😭 the walk back from the theater was much less fun. i felt disheveled and shaky and i smelled bad and was cold. 3/4 of the way back to the dorm i decided even though i didn't really want to stay in the theater i preferred it to my dorm, but i thought it was probably locked by now. i knew everyone had left because their umbrellas were gone. while i was walkign back to my dorm i kinda decided i did not want to deal with like interacting 😭 i could see from outside that the light in my room was on and i just cabt even will myself to walk in and flick the lightswitch down so i just decided to go to that lil abandoned building (its not like... gross inside) i know about that is always opena nd i am here now. i dont know if i will fall asleep here... idk where i would... i may just wait for a v late hour and then go back because i need to showrr and clean myself up and everything. i dont think this is like the best idea but i would rather just not be in my dorm right now and idk what else to do :p i kinda justtt found a place to sit but maybe i will find somewhere comfy. the rain makes weird noises and its a little scary but i am being brave abt it :) i shouldn't let my phone get much lower but i don't know what to do for the next few hours. i will try and find a charger but i don't think that'll happen. i was having so much fun watching conan obrien int he theater i didnt preserve my battery 😭 ok enough sobbing emojis. this is hopefully goodnight but if i go back to my dorm maybe i will write more. goodbye n goodnight for now :)

posting 5 times in one day is not a sign of addiction

hiiii i was going to go for haiii but that's embarrassing. i am back in my dorm nowww this will probably be short because i'm not the chattiest today. i will talk about today tomorrow (maybe, maybe not) BUT i am like warm adn washed and everything so i think that's important to note :) i am going to try to be nice to myself because the walk back to my dorm was awful and i felt fried and i had to have a v long warm shower and now i'm like. not dying sob emoji. i am going to have another of those protein bars (i ate one on the way to the theater) and maybe try the yogurt. i think i need to clean my spork first. yesss i own a spork and i'm going to make myself clean it because that is important. i am very tired and still a little loopy and my head hurts but i can't really rest my neck because my hair is drying. but i am glad i am in my dorm now and i cannot do the things i wanted to do earlier, sob emoji (lie down in the dirt and/or walk into town). also, that was a stupid excuse when i can just put a towel over my pillows. okay i love you chat sorry for calling you that. dear reader feels too personal though. like i don't know you. i don't know if you exist! okay anyways. goodnight this is rllyyyy the last one for tonight :)

bayonets can be erotic

helloooo good morninggg i have been up for a little bit but i have been too tired to write anything. i got up and brushed my teeth and my roommate is going out to the city again which means i will have the place to myself for a while hooray! i will do nothing with this and instead do everything i normally do but quieter. ough my " stummy" hurts randomly. anyways i slept so soundly!! probably not enough. but after like having such a warm shower i just passed out so quickly my hair didn't have time to dry and now it's like... very weird and gay looking. anyways. yesterday was so weird i remember like when i got into the creepy dark empty building i went into one of the rooms and turned the lights on and there was a random YA book there. so i locked the door and finished the YA book and i think there was like an analogy about mother/daughterhood in there but i am not a mother nor daughter so it probably went over my head. it felt like it was meant to be there though. i couldn't have been on my phone because it would have died. so i just sat there and read this YA book in one sitting. also when i was walking back to my dorm a bunny ran in front of me :) well, walking back to my dorm the first time. is it obvious what i did yesterday? walked to theater > walked to dorm > turned around in front of dorm and walked to creepy dark empty building > walked back to dorm > end. i am glad i didn't sleep in the theater because i needed like ... "self care". also the yogurt is key lime pie which i got at someone else's suggestion and it actually wasn't bad. i am kinda just saying this to see how it sounds, i don't know if i believe it: i think half the time calling something "too sweet" is a made up complaint. i'm not sure if i agree with that sentiment or not yet but there may be a kernel of truth in there. because at first i had a spoonful of yogurt and thought it was too sweet... but i literally don't care. i like sweet things. it was yummy. idk! i don't like very sweet things but maybe i am just making made up complaints. the protein bar things are peanut butter and dark chocolate which makes me feel 100% like a dead dog. they're actually kinda yum though. i only bought a box of 10 because they, like, have a cost to them, but i might actually finish them somewhat quickly. oughhh i want my mail. goldfish... i also had chips and salsa yesterday. good!!! hard to really eat without all the comforts of home (i miss having little ramekins). also there is no dish soap in the kitchen, making washing things very annoying, and if i end up buying it i'm not leaving it down there. it's going to be myyy personal dish soap. i feel like an evil person for that a little. but i'm still doing it. i didn't really have a meal yesterday, just little snacks, but it's better than nothing i think :) i ate when i was hungry and that's good. i'm still very tired. i really do need to work today. i should start that after i finish this but i don't want to. maybe i will work on the script/notes for my presentation and figure out how i'll record it. it is hard to think about presenting it & recording it because i want to kill myself (hashtag joke) and i do not want to go outside today or speak at all so that throws a wrench in that whole thing. anyways i should wrap this uppp probably. ummm bweh why do i forget how to finish these? i feel like i've been reset. putting "depressed" as my mood on here feels analogous to making black and white self harm pictures the cover of a spotify playlist (i knew someone that did this!). okay. maybe i will have a little treat and lay down and figure out what to do for now. thank u for reading chat sorry i mean dear reader goodbye for now :)

i can't buy this 50 dollar poster but i want to do it so badly

one of my fav lyrics is so edgy for no reason but its such a good song i like have to accept it. "no regrets for what he's done no regrets his life is gone"?? thanks random british punks. anyways! roommate fell off his bike on the way back from the train station ha ha ha point and laugh. he's fine so i can make fun. if he was like dead maybe i would not point and laugh. anyways what was i going to say? i totally forget. i am not doing much work today which is baddd i am procrastinating REALLY badly but i, quite honestly, do not care. i stayed in bed and ate tiramisu and i am going to have a little bar as a treat. i was excited to talk about something and now i forget!! okay something popped into my head but i *hope* it is not what i wanted to write about... because it is very nerdy and embarrassing. i'll give the abridged version.

so me and an online friend used to play video games all the time. we played team fortress 2 a lot (a slightly repugnant game) and there was a server we used to frequent. we both slightly hated it and would make fun of everyone there sob emoji but there were one or two nice people. the owner was like a fourty year old man or something??? eventually he appointed as co-admin the administrator of a fucking insane and still-around team fortress two clan who could get their own post. they were incredibly edgy and essentially a vestige from the late 2000s early 2010s who were apparently still around ~a decade later. the administrator was one of those really weird people who wanted to be called Empress which is very weird and was definitely a Nazi. i won't tell the Nazi story but there is a Nazi story anyways me and my friend of course think this is stupid and write a super long and fake google doc about "new rules" going into place and it's 100% making fun of everyone. i think i was like a junior admin or something??? so i posted it in like the important update chat thing and it was really funny but ofc i got banned. i think my friend didn't get caught somehow??? i think i made fun of him once in the document and everyone was like "Well of course he can't be in on it. They made a joke about him!!!" later i think somebody deleted the entire server config which is fucking insane??? anyways. i did that when i was a kid instead of like anything important <3

that's your midday story, class. i will report back later. actually in a good mood today which is hooray!!! even though i should be concerned with studying and everything. i swore i was going to talk abt something else but i forgot. oops!!! okokok meow. i don't know why i meow when people associate me with a dog. like it's happened before and i don't get it. one time two people called me a dog at once and like okay that's just punching downwards. i SRSLY don't get it. and if i do i can't divulge. why not a cat? i think the meow is the only cat thing i do but i have grown to enjoy it. also barking is too much... i can get away with meowing but not barking. that's too far. okay goodbye for now i am going to have a bar and thennnn idk maybe work on my presentation script some more :)